The Journey Begins: An Unexpected Gift

My former life ended on the day of an accident: bus vs. SUV (the bus won decidedly). The accident killed my husband and one of our best friends, leaving me and 3 other friends with the usual trauma injuries that I refer to as "squashed-by-a-bus syndrome." The bus driver must have been fine because he ran from the scene. (Later I was blessed with extraordinary and dedicated surgeons and therapists that guided me on the path toward healing, growth, and a new life, but that topic will be in other postings.) After the accident, of which I have no conscious memory, I "went" to a place that was neither light nor dark, and where I couldn't see anyone or anything. Yet, I clearly remember feeling loved and comforted, and thinking: "I'm OK, because I'm not alone". There is no rationale to that thinking, and the experience could be attributed to a dissociative or delusional episode resulting from the trauma of the accident. No matter how it's characterized, it was a gift to me. The experience occurred during the hour or more that I was trapped in the middle of the SUV that had been hit broadside, flipped over, and nearly flattened by the bus. Had I not been "taken" to that place of love and comfort, I would have been unbearably aware that my husband of 20 years and our friend lay next to me, dying or dead. My first "real" memory after the accident was being strapped to a gurney outside the SUV. I did not question what happened, was quite alert, and felt no pain. (I'm told I had several injuries that normally would be excruciatingly painful.) I then was loaded into an ambulance with 3 other injured survivors. I first confirmed that each of my ambulance-mates was conscious and doing OK (considering the circumstances). Then I continually asked about my husband and our missing friend. I was not told, until I was considered to be stabilized enough to bear the news, that both had died at the scene. As devastating as that news was, I will always be grateful for being "taken" to that place of love and comfort during a period that otherwise would have been intolerable.